


Aftermath

by csquared225



Series: Codas to Agents of SHIELD [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Coda, Coulson Lives, Fluff, M/M, Pheels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/csquared225/pseuds/csquared225
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A coda to the pilot of Agents of SHIELD. The video of Phil talking down Mike Peterson goes viral, and Clint is not pleased to find out that his former handler and lover has been alive this entire time and didn't bother to tell him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing codas to every episode of Agents of SHIELD. Didn't count on it being a series, so I'll probably change the series name. Eventually. Possibly. Eh.
> 
> Cross-posting from tumblr.

When Phil got back to his cabin that night, Clint was there waiting for him. He should have expected it; with media these days, he should have thought of the youtube videos and camera phones that would inevitably blow his cover.

 

“Clint,” he said amicably, hanging up his coat as if it were just another day after a mission. “Is Natasha with you?”

 

The archer’s “resting face” twisted into something that Phil didn’t want to identify as pain.

 

“The first thing you ask me about is Natasha? Nice, Coulson.”

 

The use of his last name made a chink in his armor, the tiniest of flinches in his expression. Clint hadn’t called him that when they were alone for over a year. “No, she’s not with me,” Clint added dourly. “She almost was, though. If she wasn’t on a mission she’d have come with me to do this.”

 

He had expected it, and let Clint swing his fist and punch into his jaw, making him grab onto the sofa next to him for support. He flexed his jaw, rubbing where he knew there was going to be a very colorful bruise.

 

“I deserved that,” he spoke evenly, some of his own distress leaking into his voice despite that.

 

Clint snorted. “Fuck yeah, you did. And more, but…” Finally the mask came crumbling down, and the pain in his eyes made Phil’s stomach clench in sympathy. “Dammit, Phil. Why didn’t you tell me? How long have you been alive? I didn’t deserve to find out through a damn Youtube video Tony showed me.”

 

Tony. So he was on a first name basis with his teammates already. Just what Phil had wanted for him. He took a deep breath.

 

“I’d say you’re not Level Seven, but that would be a lie,” he said softly. “Clint, you--all of you--needed something to motivate you for the Battle. It was necessary.”

 

“So, what, you planned on Loki shanking you with his Glowstick of Doom?” Clint spat, voice shaking. “You died on purpose?”

 

“No! No, not like that. But he found me as I was dying, and I told him...you needed the push.” He never let his eyes leave Clint’s; he knew how important eye contact was to him. “I was expendable.”

 

“Fuck that!” He was taken aback at Clint’s harshness. He’d known he would be angry at being deceived, but not at this. “You’re not fucking expendable, Phil, you never were! I--I thought you realized that. You mean so damn much to me, and Nat, Thor, even Tony. And Steve and Bruce would’ve come to realize that too.” He visibly drooped.

 

Phil shook his head, daring to move closer; Clint didn’t seem to notice.

 

“Clint, I’m just another G-man in a suit. You’re the Avengers, the important ones--”

 

“Phil, you were always an Avenger. To me, at least. The others considered you an honorary one, they still do.” Clint was the one who moved closer this time. “Come to the Tower with me--”

 

“Clint, I can’t. You’re not even supposed to know. I’m sure Skye is deleting the last of those videos and non-disclosure agreements are being handed out as we speak. I have to remain invisible.”

 

“WHY?”

 

“Even I don’t know,” Phil admitted. “Fury says there’s something big coming, and my death needs to remain something that happened.” He sighed, throat tight. “But I should have told you. Out of everyone, I should have told you. I’ll never be able to tell you how sorry I am. I’d understand if you don’t trust me anymore. Or want to be with me anymore; I’m not your handler anymore.” He finally let himself close his eyes, not wanting to see the relief in Clint’s eyes from being released from this, from Phil. Free again--

 

“You’re an idiot.” He opened his eyes and blinked. Clint was looking away from him, too. To his horror, his eyes were glazed over with tears that he’d only seen after waking Clint from nightmares, the few close calls they’d had, and when he’d found out Barney was dead. “I cried at your grave, Phil. I actually slept there a few times, just to be closer to you again. I know we weren’t serious or anything, but to me, I wanted it to be. God, I missed you so much.”

 

Phil’s own eyes were wet now.

 

“I’m so sorry, Clint. I didn’t know. I kept an eye on you, followed you and then you and Natasha when you traveled and came back to the Tower, fought with the other Avengers. You seemed okay. I didn’t think you needed me anymore and I had to let you go.”

 

Clint let out a bitter laugh.

 

“Phil, I was miserable. I drank myself into the bottom of more bottles than I can remember, got into some European underground fight clubs, did some death defying stunts and didn’t care if I lived or died. Natasha tried to pull me out of it.” He shrugged. “Then I returned and it was Tony of all people who told me how hard you’d worked to put the Avengers together. And I thought if I didn’t pull myself together it’d be dishonoring your memory or something like that.” He shrugged, then his eyes sparked when he ran through what Phil had said again in his head. “Phil, I’ll always need you. And let me go? Don’t I get a say in that?”  
  


He stomped forward and Phil flinched, thinking he was about to get hit again. Only a heavy weight landed on him, and he looked down to see Clint had curled up against his chest, like he only let himself do after a long mission, or particularly good sex. After a nightmare. When he needed Phil the most.

 

“I love you, Phil. I should’ve said it before, I was working up to it when we got assigned to Pegasus. I--I killed you, Phil. If it weren’t for me attacking the helicarrier--”

 

“Clint, no. You were mind controlled, and you were fighting it pretty well if I heard Maria and Nick right. You could have killed them, but you hit in nonlethal areas. So many more people would have died if you hadn’t fought so hard. This is not your fault, you didn’t stab me. I don’t blame you and you shouldn’t blame yourself.” He gently rubbed Clint’s back, feeling muscles clench and release as the archer finally let go and sobbed into his chest. “And I love you too. I wish I’d said it sooner as well.”

 

He let Clint let go of the tears he knew had been building up for more than half a year now, and eventually they drifted to the couch. They’d curled up like this only a few times before in Phil’s old office, on his couch. Clint dozed for an hour, and the slow way he woke up made Phil’s chest warm. On missions, the archer woke up quickly, eyes darting around to assess any threats. When he slept with Phil, he let himself doze. It was trust he felt he still didn’t deserve, especially now. But he’d take it.

 

“Phil? What happens now? I know Tasha won’t tell the others.” He blinked up at him with such hopeful blue eyes, a hint of childishness peeking through that he only let Phil see. “I still want to see you.”

 

“I’ll talk to Nick. I’m not letting you go now, Clint. If...that’s what you want.” Clint snorted again, his “you’re an idiot” noise, and Phil couldn’t help but smile as his mouth met his. It was one of their longer kisses, and they were gasping for breath by the end of it.

 

“Hell no. I’m here to stay. ….Just a warning. If I’m not back in two days, ‘Tasha’s gonna finish up her mission early and come here and hurt you.” Phil sighed.

 

“I’m sure she is. We’ll figure it out.”

 

“Cool. So.” There was that mischievous glint that Phil had missed so much. “What’s this about you having a team? And can I be in it?”

 

He was doomed. Fitz-Simmons were going to want to dissect Clint’s eyes, Ward was going to clash with Clint’s easygoing, “they’re guidelines not rules” attitude, he and Skye were going to be terrors together, and Melinda...well. Scary.

 

“Clint, you cannot be on the team, you’re an Avenger--”

 

“But Phil!”

 

“No, Clint…”

 

“Lemme at least meet this hacker of yours, is she cute?”

 

“Not happening, Barton.”

 

“Phil, please? Please? ….Phil?”

 

**The End**


End file.
